I don’t have much to say today, it’s my birthday. Thirty-three times around the sun. I’ve been thinking about my lot in life, where I am, and where I want to be. I’ve been a computer technician for nearly eight years now. I’m damn good at it; but I feel like I need to be more than that.
Do I have what it takes to be a leader? I don’t know. I think I do, but it’s a daunting challenge. My current job doesn’t seem to have the opportunities for growth that I need, or they have already decided that other people should be given those opportunities. When I ask for new challenges, or for time to learn beyond my role, I see that my schedule is filled with more of the same, and other people are being given extended time to learn and grow.
I don’t want to imply that my employer is neglecting me, but I think that there may be politics involved that I’m not aware of. I’m disappointed I think, but not surprised. Humans are human after all, they make mistakes. It will be a matter of time in determining if the mistake is mine, or theirs. Am I over-estimating myself? Are they under estimating me? Or is it simply that they see something in other people that I don’t. Am I jealous?
I don’t know, maybe I’m just feeling old. I’d love to be twenty-five again, maybe I’d be more adamant in my career path. If I knew that the box I was about to climb into was more of a cage than I expected, I may have made different choices. It’s too bad I can’t just quit and start fresh somewhere. There’s so much risk and uncertainty that I can’t afford with that. I have bills, and life and bills and debts to pay. I can’t just pack it in for the sake of some elusive happiness.
Maybe I will start applying for jobs though. Just to see what happens.